When Positive Beliefs Lead Us Astray
We all know that negative beliefs can hold us back, but did you know that positive beliefs can cause problems too? How is this possible? To understand, let’s first examine the anatomy of a negative belief.
Negative beliefs are rooted in trauma, formed during moments of intense emotional pain or fear. Common examples include:
“I’m not safe.”
“I’m not lovable or deserving.”
“The world is a dangerous place.”
“I can’t get what I want in life.”
These beliefs are distortions of reality. While there are moments when we’re unsafe, most of the time, we are safe. While some people may not find us lovable or deserving, that doesn’t mean we inherently lack value. Similarly, the world can be dangerous, but it is not universally so. And while it might be difficult in some cases to get what we want, this is not true in all cases. Negative beliefs often involve underestimations of ourselves or our potential.
Because these beliefs are born from trauma, they feel unshakably true, even when mountains of evidence contradict them. They persist until we heal the trauma at their core.
When Positive Beliefs Are Based in Trauma
Positive beliefs, on the surface, seem like a good thing. And when they’re based in reality—like “I am worthy of love”—they can be empowering. However, positive beliefs rooted in trauma can be just as destructive as negative beliefs because they, too, distort reality.
Unlike negative beliefs, trauma-based positive beliefs often involve overestimations of ourselves or the world. For instance, the classic belief of an addict, “I can quit anytime I want,” is a delusion that keeps them stuck in denial. Similarly, one of the most problematic beliefs in general is: “I’m fine the way I am; other people are the problem.”
Here are a few more examples:
“I don’t need help; I can do everything on my own.”
This belief often hides a fear of vulnerability or reliance on others due to past betrayals or neglect.“Everything happens for a reason, so I don’t need to take action.”
While comforting, this mindset can prevent proactive steps toward healing or growth.“If I’m good enough, nothing bad will happen to me.”
Stemming from a need for control, this belief sets unrealistic expectations.“I just have to manifest my desires, and the universe will take care of the rest.”
While optimistic, this belief can neglect the practical steps needed to achieve success.“I’m special, so the rules don’t apply to me.”
Often a defense mechanism to compensate for feelings of unworthiness, this belief can lead to poor decisions.“If I work hard enough, I can overcome anything.”
While resilience is admirable, this belief ignores the necessity of rest, support, and boundaries.“As long as I’m nice to people, everyone will treat me well in return.”
This can deny others’ capacity for harm or exploitation, leaving one unprepared for negative interactions.“I can change someone if I love them enough.”
A belief tied to codependency, this ignores others’ agency and the reality of their limitations.“If I stay positive, nothing will go wrong.”
Suppressing valid emotions like grief or fear, this belief can lead to toxic positivity.“I can avoid failure entirely if I plan everything perfectly.”
This trauma-driven need for control overlooks life’s inherent unpredictability.
Rock Bottom
Positive trauma-based beliefs often heal only when they lead us to dead ends—situations where we face ruin, death, or profound loneliness. In these moments, if we are lucky, powerful insights or spiritual experiences can provide enough safety to allow the belief to heal spontaneously.
As the belief heals, we often realize we’ve been delusional. This is intensely humbling and can hurt deeply, but it also powerfully grounds us, setting the stage for a dramatic turnaround that can radically change our lives.
If you can’t tell by the specificity of that description, this has happened to me multiple times. Most recently, I believed that I was smart enough to avoid having to do anything outside my comfort zone, while still achieving success. Ironically, this created immense discomfort and led me to the brink of financial ruin.
When I finally recognized this delusion, I humbled myself and acknowledged the impact of my actions. I committed to tackling what needed to be done, even if it was hard or scary. From that point, my life became an order of magnitude easier, and I found that discomfort is often temporary.
An Easier Path
The good news is that it’s not necessary to hit rock bottom to heal trauma-based positive beliefs. Like negative beliefs, they can be addressed through trauma healing.
If you suspect you’re affected by such beliefs, feel free to reach out. Send me a message or book a consultation—I’d love to connect and help you uncover the path to healing and growth.
