Heal Trauma for Better Sex
Alright everyone, I know you don’t want to deal with trauma. It’s scary, it’s painful, and it makes you feel like you’re not normal like everyone else. It’s much easier to pretend it isn’t there and distract yourself with scrolling, work, and interpersonal drama. BUT… what if I told you that you could have better sex if you heal trauma?
My claim is based on how people react internally to trauma. Trauma starts with a challenging or painful experience, most often when we are young. It’s shocking and terrible and we never want to feel that way again, so we do everything we can to avoid it. However, this doesn’t resolve the trauma, it just helps avoid directly triggering it. The traumatic feelings are still there, unresolved, and they continue to resonate within our being. We don’t like this, so we engage in a variety of physical and mental behaviors to distract ourselves from it. This includes working too much, scrolling/watching media of every kind, substances (including food), worrying about the future, or simply thinking a lot. These behaviors work to suppress the trauma, but they also suppress good feelings, such as attraction to your partner and the sensations of sex. You can’t suppress the bad without suppressing the good. And once you start suppressing, you can’t just switch it off momentarily when you want to have fun.
Embodiment practices like meditation, breathwork, yoga, and other forms of exercise can help reverse the suppression process, but it takes time and effort. Exercise is particularly helpful because it provides endorphins and other feel-good chemicals that make it easier to tolerate traumatic feelings. With enough willpower and determination, engaging in these practices can allow for a temporary boost in your ability to enjoy the good things in life, such as sex. However, once you go back to work, scrolling, and other forms of distraction, you’re back where you started.
When you heal trauma, things become much simpler, because you’re resolving the source of your tendency toward distraction. When that painful memory is healed of its emotional charge, it becomes as ordinary and boring as any other memory. Without it resonating terrible feelings inside of you, there is no longer a reason to distract yourself, so you naturally start doing it less. When you stop distracting yourself, you feel more of everything, including all the good feelings in life. This means that attraction happens more easily and sex becomes orders of magnitude more enjoyable. It’s much easier to stay in the present moment in all areas of life when you’re not fighting against bad feelings.
Healing trauma isn't just about releasing the weight of painful memories. It's about unlocking your ability to fully experience the richness of life. By addressing the root of distraction and suppression, you open the door to deeper connections, heightened sensations, and more fulfilling relationships. When you're no longer weighed down by unresolved trauma, the good feelings are free to flow, and your ability to be present and truly enjoy the moment—whether in your sex life or in any aspect of life—becomes exponentially easier. So why keep avoiding what's holding you back when healing can lead to so much more?
