A New Approach to Coaching
Imagine that you own a car, and this car has some issues with driving and steering. You take the car to a mechanic, and the mechanic says “Aha, you have deflating tire syndrome. Here, take this hand pump. You have to pump up the tire whenever it starts to deflate.” When you ask why you have deflating tire syndrome, the mechanic says that it has something to do with the tire having a hole in it. “But don’t worry, I can guide you in pumping up the tire in every situation where you might need to, and to strategize when you might expect it to deflate suddenly so that you can ensure you’re ready for it. It will take a lot of effort, and if you’re tired, you might not be able to do it. And if you stop doing it, the air will leak out and you won’t be able to drive. But if you can commit to trying really hard all the time, you can have a functional car and get where you’re trying to go.”
Absurd, right? Most people would agree that the hole is the problem and that the tire deflating is a symptom. The tire experienced “trauma” from a nail or another sharp object, and what it really needs is repair. Once the hole is patched, there’s no need for constant pumping. We can calmly drive wherever we want to go, and the memory of the issue fades into the background.
When it comes to ourselves, things are not so different.
If you go to a coach for help achieving a goal, they might start by giving you actionable advice. But if you respond with, “I tried that, but I got really anxious and couldn’t follow through,” the coach might say “Aha, you have anxiety. Here are some practices to help soothe it. You have to do them whenever you feel anxious.” When you ask why you have anxiety, the coach says that it probably has something to do with childhood trauma. “But don’t worry, I can guide you in managing your anxiety in every situation where you might need to, and strategizing when you might expect to be suddenly anxious so that you can ensure you’re ready for it. It will take a lot of effort, and if you’re tired, you might not be able to do it. And if you don’t do it, your anxiety will get the better of you and you won’t be able to accomplish your goals. But if you can commit to trying really hard all the time, you can have a functional consciousness and achieve your goals.”
Unlike the car example, this approach doesn’t strike us as absurd. Most people accept that trauma is a permanent part of who we are and that managing its symptoms is the best we can do, whether by understanding, reframing, “being with it”, or trying to push through it. While these methods can be effective, their effectiveness is temporary, and requires constant willpower and adherence to practices. When the symptoms are severe, they may not be effective at all.
What if you could just resolve the trauma, like repairing a tire?
This is what I do with my clients.
When clients come to me, they often don’t need much guidance on what to do. What they need help with is the real obstacles—anxiety, procrastination, self-doubt, interpersonal conflicts—which stem from unresolved trauma. This doesn’t mean that they’re damaged in some way; everyone has some amount of trauma that makes things difficult. Using Peak States Therapy techniques, I guide clients to uncover and heal the root cause of these symptoms. Often, there are several layers of trauma to address, but the process is efficient—typically taking just 5–10 sessions. Once the trauma is resolved, the obstacles disappear immediately. Clients are then free to move calmly toward their goals, and the memory of the issue fades into the background.
My clients primarily work on relationship issues, stress and anxiety, and goal achievement, but this approach is effective for a wide range of challenges. It’s also extremely enlightening to see exactly what has been holding you back, as you watch it dissipate and blow away like smoke in the wind. One client, for example, was torn between returning to corporate life or pursuing a long-held dream project. Initially, he thought his dilemma was about weighing the pros and cons of each choice. But as we explored deeper, he encountered painful feelings of rejection and disappointment, and realized they had been clouding his judgment. After healing this trauma, everything became clear: his true desire was to start the project, and his indecision had been an unconscious strategy to avoid potential feelings of failure. His confusion evaporated and he confidently moved forward with his project.
Your struggles are not just random obstacles; they are symptoms pointing to deeper wounds that can be healed. Once the root trauma is resolved, what felt like an uphill battle becomes natural and ordinary. Imagine no longer being weighed down by the emotional burdens of the past—free to pursue your goals and relationships with clarity, calmness, and enjoyment. This isn’t just managing symptoms; it’s transformative healing. Are you ready to patch the hole and drive forward with ease? Let’s begin the journey.
Also, since you got this far, can we appreciate for a moment how amazing that header image is?
